I feel so fucking empty and I don’t know what to do. Like, what do you do when you realise you’ve been genuinely inconsolable for several months? I never asked for any of this but I’m the creator, the author, the fucking architect of my own demise. I deserve nothing but the worst.
Hard day at work today. When youth work goes well, it’s incredible, and even when it goes the slightest bit wrong, it feels like I’ve been punched in the gut.
Please someone help me remember why I’m doing this. I feel terrible.
Focusing on my physical health as a distraction from my (sometimes terrible-feeling) mental health will either be the healthiest or the unhealthiest thing I ever do. I feel good after working out today though, so that’s something, and I already feel much better about exercise despite it being my second gym session after a reeeeally long break.
I got my halloween outfit. I’m going to be a mime because it means I can get away with not talking to people at the parties I’ve been invited to. I went shopping for Halloween accessories with Steff and Daniel and Shelby and that was a super nice Saturday, even if it got kind of dark when Daniel suggested that he was going to be Ed Gein in the Winnie the Pooh universe. There’s context, I promise.
I met up with a very very sweet friend today for the first time since before summer. We’ve both had a rough few months, and we both cried a lot in the coffee shop talking about how 2013 has been a flaming pile of dogshit in parts. It’s nice to get cathartic with someone who gets it. Every bad day here is one day closer to better days elsewhere and I’m trying to stay patient and focused.
Now I’m listening to Devo and wondering who/what I should be for Halloween. I hate dressing up. My only ideas so far have been “Morrissey” and “Tim Timebomb”. Neither will go down well. Just get me drunk.